first day after the end..

yesterday finally i end everything with bing..well today i end up my test also..heart is pain at this very moment..i dunno whether she love me or just faking it..if she love me, why cant she just say sorry and resist all the bad attidude i give her??i thought this is how everyone shud be..be sorry and accept your punishment..i dunno why i am such a trash that she rather lose me then suffer a little more for me..cant she suffer so little compare how she make me suffer??well i dunno..maybe chen loong really is the one kind of people that she will sacrifice for..i think she love him..cant believe i cant win this bastard..well nothing can be done..today i inisiative smoke ...i dunno why i do such thing..but i just thought maybe drug could help me ease the pain..smoke could my pain or maybe beer could ease my pain..the first smoke i take..i feel much better..but after that..i feel the pain again..i wanted to have one more..but lucky the previous wan is my fren last...well until now i guess i change a lot now..to someone that angry easily..she hurt me till very max..and now i got to hide myself and say sorry to her..which i think such ridicolous..i really dun wan to see her anymore..but i still love her..well..why am i so stupid to like someone that hurt me so damn lot..someone who dun love me anymore..someone who cant sacrifice for me..someone that make me look like trash ..someone that make me look unworthy..after reading her diary..i feel that what she write is really unresponsible..even she said she love me..she still cant do anything for me which is impossible..but for chen loong..she really could die for him..what am i?how come she much give me a green hat to wear..i wanted to call chen loong to beg him let go bing..such an idiot..dun make yourself like a trash anymore k ,aaron?haih..another sadness..she hope i got no nightmare..impossible..tons of shit dream coming out everyday..i feel so tired..really tired..i am no longer a human anymore...