SJMC

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deserted

man..life really damn dull..other than college and home..i really got nothing better to do ..i been wondering how come my phone credit still got so much..maybe i dun have ppl for me to message or no one call me out and i dun need to call them to ask for time and venue..life really change a lot compare to last time..seriously i really regret going to this college..it is so dull and i thought i could find better fren and start a god damn life..but it dun seem that way..going to engineering course is really chaos..the people there really suck..i never been so quiet and trying to avoid anyone that much before..i nevfer even thought have to take my lunch all by myself..the worst thing is i still have to search those other class for lunch..from their eye..i can see"fuck off larh,we dun wan eat with u larh" that kind of look..now in my eye onli book and tv..no other entertainment..shea yen stay so fucking far and cant meet her often..talking bout her..after knowing lot thing bout bing..i seem to lost interest in shea yen anymore..am i still overpowered by bing...god!!!why cant she just leave my life entirely..reading everone blog and i could see..in everyone eye..she is such a goddess..but how can she treat me like that..i feel damn fuck..and i really not being perasan here..why people as good as me have to stay being like one invisible guy..dude..i really dunno how long i could stand this kinda situation..i hope i got more activity and meet more people..i hate my life..

gone

she is gone..gone to russia ..well nothing dramatic happen..i am right..she dun give me any fuck..well, i feel like i got play for freaking two years now..feel damn gao low..well anyway..i got to stand still and face everything else..i got a feeling every friend of her is talking bad about me now..why i got such bad fren and bad luck..she is wrong by the way ...nvm ..her luck is too strong to compete with..i hope i will never see her again..even 6 years later..or she will be damn sorry...

freaking early

i dream of bing yesterday..dream she just pass by me ..by i know i should forget bout this girl..but once i wake up ..i feel so emotional..very sad and somehow got a strong feeling toward her..thaty why i cant continue my sleep..now here i am with the clock showing 8 am.,i really wonder do i reallly forget everything bout her or what??i really cannot imagine what will happen if i see her somewhere before she go russia..will i be sad ,angry or what??but i deffinitely know she will make me like what i am now..depress..no!!i cannot continue like that..this girl make me suffer enough!!and i cant remember her till the end of world..not s single second of minutes is for her..no way!!!i hate u chua huey bing!!!

..

i dunno really what i want to say at this very moment..i am feeling very empty..life empty and being too ordinary recently..reading other people blog..i can see howfun they enjoy their life..even being busy they got thing to challenge over and also dream to archieve..and people to look up on them ..seriously i really tried to archieve every single thing..even it is not what i want..i wan to leanr all sorta thing which i myself dun feel i need it..but everything is just either talk or dun end well..now, here i am ..sitting down here blogging and nothign else better to do ..
i am so damm boring..

lonely

you know..i always thought i am someone that very skilfull and someone that can really be someone that is look up by others in future and all the time..but time to time..i feel my confident getting lower and lower..i am not someone in anyone bottom of heart..i felt that i am like an idiot for them..in friendship is the most disgusting thing in my thinking now..i dunno why i spend so much time on my fren..helping them and assist them in all the way i can ..but it seem like my effort dun make me stay in their heart..and they start to think i am someone that can be fool of and someone that is more like a trash than just a human being..worst is in loveship..in so much relationship..bing is the one i am the most serious and the shittest thing i had in the world..i am kinda regreting to let go florence,hui ling , and phoi boon since they can be much more better gf than bing do..i really dun understand pathetic human like her got so many attention with so much of weakness..frankly i am jealous..after being played and twist and turn by her.no way i am gonna take her as a fren somemore..i dun think she deserve so many thing..well i cant blame anything..maybe i am the most unluckiest guy in this world..and bad thing inlogically also can happen to me..i always tell myself maybe thing will be better in the future..but i wait and wait and wait for so long ..which i cant find myself being any better..diary, i think u are the onli that can understand me the most..and give what i wan ..my hurt and pain of living in such a pathetic world really make me no longer seem normal..maybe in future all my dream is onli can be stay as dream..i dun wan to be a pathetic to be famous..i wan to be a good guy..i dun wan to be a bad wan ...but i cant assure anything..since all the while i onli met people with bad intention which make me cant longer resist the temptation for fortuna and famousy till i turn totally into a freak that no morale value at all..i am so lonely..it seem like i am an alien that live with tons of monster surrounding me..i am scare..scare one day i am just a dust or an ash in everyone eye..no dream no faux no life..and thing will be meaningless in anyway ...