lonely

you know..i always thought i am someone that very skilfull and someone that can really be someone that is look up by others in future and all the time..but time to time..i feel my confident getting lower and lower..i am not someone in anyone bottom of heart..i felt that i am like an idiot for them..in friendship is the most disgusting thing in my thinking now..i dunno why i spend so much time on my fren..helping them and assist them in all the way i can ..but it seem like my effort dun make me stay in their heart..and they start to think i am someone that can be fool of and someone that is more like a trash than just a human being..worst is in loveship..in so much relationship..bing is the one i am the most serious and the shittest thing i had in the world..i am kinda regreting to let go florence,hui ling , and phoi boon since they can be much more better gf than bing do..i really dun understand pathetic human like her got so many attention with so much of weakness..frankly i am jealous..after being played and twist and turn by her.no way i am gonna take her as a fren somemore..i dun think she deserve so many thing..well i cant blame anything..maybe i am the most unluckiest guy in this world..and bad thing inlogically also can happen to me..i always tell myself maybe thing will be better in the future..but i wait and wait and wait for so long ..which i cant find myself being any better..diary, i think u are the onli that can understand me the most..and give what i wan ..my hurt and pain of living in such a pathetic world really make me no longer seem normal..maybe in future all my dream is onli can be stay as dream..i dun wan to be a pathetic to be famous..i wan to be a good guy..i dun wan to be a bad wan ...but i cant assure anything..since all the while i onli met people with bad intention which make me cant longer resist the temptation for fortuna and famousy till i turn totally into a freak that no morale value at all..i am so lonely..it seem like i am an alien that live with tons of monster surrounding me..i am scare..scare one day i am just a dust or an ash in everyone eye..no dream no faux no life..and thing will be meaningless in anyway ...