shea yen

well..long time no post something on my diary liow..hahah..i think i get to forget bing already..readin those message in hand phone..no feeling at all..and reading her diary is also a boring thing to do ..now i guess the onli thing in my mind is all about shea yen ..althought till now i still dunno do i love her a not but anyhow she stay an important part in my life..someone that change my whole emotion with just a single call...hmmm..thank you very much shea yen and i really hope one day i could love u more than ever..life is great nowadays..i felt that it is not a must to be famous and old fren is not a must to stay in your life ..even being now in college..i got everyone that call me aaron and saying hi to me..i dun need true fren..a hi bye fren is already enough to feel my empty hole of loneliness in my heart..and add on shea yen ..hahah..and i found out the onli one that will always be there for u is still family ..nothing else..even though they might be a bit harsh but they still the one that be with u the whole damn life and u see and talk to them the most heheh..i will try to take care of their heart from now on ..i promise myself and shea yen ..this is the first time i finally feel i am in a great change in my life..a life that i always dream on ..the life that always make me go to bed in time..i love myself more from now on ..

...

the third day being shea yen boyfriend..thing is going so well..after lerning the mistake in bing..i change my attidude in order not to make shea yen unhappy..but it never last..i going to back myself now ..i feel that it is not my problem for making my gf so unhappy..even with my attidude this way ..i believe shea yen is happy also ...then i read back the diary of bing..not to say angry..but dissapointed..what she really do is all talk and talk and also talk..wonder why i waste so much time on this pathethic girlfren when i can easily find someone as good as shea yen..i still thought of one day me and bing could walk together with friend relation..i dun think so now...finding her wrong more and more ..i could not face her with just a fren ..but being a stranger is really much more better..but meet her is really seem imposible now..there is no chances to meet since she will still busy with her crap and i am so intend not to see her anymore..i hate her larh in simple..well, i cutted my hair to make my life another new path with different ppl..and i love my hair..which mean i love my path now..and hated the previous wan ..well thats all..shea yen i love u !!!

wow

today kinda shock..let it start from the time i reach college..james said he wan to go genting with my car then marh lend him lorh ..he said he wan to go genting for a few hours..first i dun really want because my car cannot stand the ride and the water will boil..then i thought since he onli going to cable car..i guess no problem lorh..but well it seem that it did not went well..before reaching the cable car..the car water already boil..hahha..ruin james entire plan with her girlfren..haha..he even fix the car problem as well..but the money i got to give him back..well i cant call him to fix my car with his onli money right..but after buying the mp4 for bing..i really broke..just hope i could return him quickly since i dun feel like owing anyone money..hmm.while james fetching me back from college after he come back from genting..because i am tired and worry how to tell my dad..he said something like "being your gf is really hard to stand with your attidude liek that" i start to think..bing will think the same a not??but anyhow..this is still small matter compare to what she did..so i dun give her any damn liow..seem like i am starting to froget bout her anymore..reach home then receive shea yen message..said she boring..so i give her a call..talking to her is really nice..at least she make me feel i am important unlike bing..i really hope she will be mine girl fren..but at the moment i have to forget bing and stop lying to shea yen ..haih..tough work

exhausted

since it is a diary ..i shud update it daily..haha..well can say lot of thing happen..my relative all come over to look at my little nephew here..well actually i always thought my house is very quiet ..a bit of sound will suit is enough..but too bad ..not really lot people like coming to my house because of my dad job as a bookie..well can understand that..so thats why today i am very happy because finally myhouse feel alive ..hahah..later on after they live..i call my sis to watch a movie call "CLICK" at i0i mall..the leaad character is Adam Sandler..no doubt it will be a good comedy..but it turn out to be a touching story ..where we have to take care of family no matter what..seriously i really hate people that dun care of relationship..but Adam really do hope for the best in realtionship and he try hard for it even it is tough..i dunno why it never applied on bing..so free and think nothing much in life but still cant do anythign for us..talking bout her..until now also never message me..dun say love relation ..i believe she give up on frenship as well..and now having fun with chen long..well..go on with today activity ..feel so bad for leaving shea yen alonee..but she go tesco as well..so wanted to go and visit her..but i have to respect her as i said in the phone yesterday ..so i did not..i went to my sis bf house for swimming..fuck!!until now i also dunno how to swim..such a idiot haha..swimming again let me think of bing old house..remember one time her birthday ..we whole gang of guys overnight at her house with onli she a girl..well u guys no what happen..leaving me down there and talking to other guy when i am your bf..what a bitch!!dun really wan to use that word on her..but she is..haih...then later on gone dinner with the sis bf famile..it is nice but my mind just hope i could reach home fast and online fast to meet shea yen really fast!!!hope i could got the remote control to let me go fast forward..haha..now i am in front the com..dun write so long dee..talk to shea yen first haha..

miracle

after blogging yesterday..i really thought i could not sleep another day since it is already so late..bing wont give a damn to leave me a message and also a call..that feeling is really like picking a knife and pierce straight in to my heart and twist..pain like that is impossible for me to just go to sleep..beside talking to chen long yesterday is like me giving them another chance to talk more and strengthen thier relation..idiotic me..but one miracle happen..shea yen ..she tok lot to me through online..and i got a very good laughing toking to them..understanding and joking with this girl is really make me "high"..i mean fun larh ..hehe..i feel tired later on ..i kinda weird..cause after such incident..i shud be awake the whole night..instead i feel tired...then she seem like know that i am tired..and she called me to offline and go to bed..well i just follow what she said..then later on ..i take my sis hand phone to call her ..a goodnight call u can say ..but is dun really seem that way ..i talk to her for half and hour..and both of us enjoy it very much..it is actually me who enjoy but i really hope she do as well..then later on i realize it is not my phone and my sis is such a stingy girl..i better call off..then both of us said bye and goodnight..then miracle ,i got to sleep..very nice sleep that wan ..heheh..then when i woke up..she leave me a message telling me i make her happy..and jokingly she said i will got scolded from my sis..hehhe..but still..when i see her..let me think of how hurt bing make me..maybe i cant really completly forget what bing did to me..

celebration

well..today yee ming,ronald,kai mun , tuan leng actually celebrate for me..it dun seem like a celebration..but at least there got heart..they stop me from thinking lot of thing for that hours..really cant believe they buy me a cigarette as my birthday present ..after smoking yesterday i thought it will be the last..yee ming actually force me to ..but actually i want to quickly smoke..but the inner call me not..at last i do smoke as well..cant resist because recently bing have given me too much heart break..now i worry one day i cant live without smoking..now is already 1am..but chen long and bing never message me..my point is right..this guy wont help me and bing wont give a damn about it..what a naive aaron..tonight going to be another sleeples night..but at least..i do have fun today ..and i think i will get to forget her soon..and i hope real soon..shea yen dun like me smoke..well maybe she get to help me forget bout smoking this issue anymore..beside all this..jecht is such a bastard that want me to help him do anything..calll me print this print that..dunno why i include in this diary..just this guy i hate lot but still got same birthday with me..what a shame for leo ..hahah..well bing..i still dun understand why u turn to like that...

sleepless

i thought everything will end once i break up with bing..but it dun seem that way ..i feel in my heart that i need her lot lot lot beside me right now..it make me look like an idiot..because after a day of hectic i still can awake missing her till 4 in the morning..well more stupid is i call chen long and talk to him ..telling him to help me pursuade bing and all this crap..after talking to him..i feel so stupid and then i quickly go and sleep before i go sleepless again..today wake up see my handphone no message..then i know how irresponsible is she..breaking someone heart and dun intend to cure it..well why do i love someone that dun even take a damn bout my feeling..i really wanted to tell those i trusted..but it seem like my mind is blank when i think of "trusted fren"..no one really in my heart where i can cried my heart out to them..then shea yen online..i am quite happy to see her..even thought i am just playing with her..but it seem everytime she could be able to brighten my day ..she also another totally diff from bing..she from an obstacle family and very well in thinking unlike naive bing..sometime i said why got dun let me meet her earlier than bing..i might really fell in love with her..but till now she just an online fren which cannot be counted really close but anyhow what she did somehow more than what bing did for me..which i laugh at myself once again for acting such an idiot..such useless gf..why shud i think of her so much ..maybe it is time to forget everything..i really shud know that whats the point calling chen long..as if he can change anything..since he is much worst than me ..and he love bing..i dun think he will help me in anyway ..everyone!!! i am total trash...

first day after the end..

yesterday finally i end everything with bing..well today i end up my test also..heart is pain at this very moment..i dunno whether she love me or just faking it..if she love me, why cant she just say sorry and resist all the bad attidude i give her??i thought this is how everyone shud be..be sorry and accept your punishment..i dunno why i am such a trash that she rather lose me then suffer a little more for me..cant she suffer so little compare how she make me suffer??well i dunno..maybe chen loong really is the one kind of people that she will sacrifice for..i think she love him..cant believe i cant win this bastard..well nothing can be done..today i inisiative smoke ...i dunno why i do such thing..but i just thought maybe drug could help me ease the pain..smoke could my pain or maybe beer could ease my pain..the first smoke i take..i feel much better..but after that..i feel the pain again..i wanted to have one more..but lucky the previous wan is my fren last...well until now i guess i change a lot now..to someone that angry easily..she hurt me till very max..and now i got to hide myself and say sorry to her..which i think such ridicolous..i really dun wan to see her anymore..but i still love her..well..why am i so stupid to like someone that hurt me so damn lot..someone who dun love me anymore..someone who cant sacrifice for me..someone that make me look like trash ..someone that make me look unworthy..after reading her diary..i feel that what she write is really unresponsible..even she said she love me..she still cant do anything for me which is impossible..but for chen loong..she really could die for him..what am i?how come she much give me a green hat to wear..i wanted to call chen loong to beg him let go bing..such an idiot..dun make yourself like a trash anymore k ,aaron?haih..another sadness..she hope i got no nightmare..impossible..tons of shit dream coming out everyday..i feel so tired..really tired..i am no longer a human anymore...